An Ode to the Restless and Disturbed
by pathiant
Summary: Just think of the good, my favorite therapist had once said, there's always going to be some good in a bad situation. [Creek]


**A/N: i'm not entirely sure where i'm going with this story, i'm pretty much winging it and hoping i like how it goes. but i plan to try and add to it when i can. it's been a while since i've uploaded on fanfic and i'm a little hesitant to because i feel as if i'll just receive harsh criticism, but i figured this isn't gonna be some popular fic so it's not like many people are gonna read it. regardless, i wanted to try my hand at writing again so.. yeah? here we are.  
*also, just a little heads up. this is just the first chapter, so i spent a lot of it focusing on thoughts and surroundings and random shit rather than having things actually happen, nothing eventful really happens for a while at the start so... if you don't like slow-paced starts then i don't really know if this is the story for you?  
my rambling aside, uh, yeah. hope it isn't too bad.  
**

* * *

 **I. Back to Square One**

* * *

I always hated the weekends, I knew that it was only a temporary break from the seemingly never-ending burden that was high school. I hated starting over, I hated the thought of being the new kid. I hated it the first time and I knew I'd hate it again. But I knew this time it'd be worse. I wouldn't just be the new kid. It'd be my first day as the not-so-new kid in my not-so-new school.

I was back here - where my life started and by the looks of it, where it'd end - laying on my old bed in my old room in my old house.

Was I supposed to feel good about this? Were there actually people who come back to their hometowns after having started over elsewhere and just come back and live their lives as if they never left?

I didn't get it. I couldn't understand how someone could leave everything behind and then come back all peachy dandy.

I'll admit though, I do prefer South Park over Colorado Springs, city life just isn't for me... Or any life, for that matter. My fellow classmates in Colorado Springs weren't very fond of their anxious classmate who experienced random outbursts and drank too much coffee that usually ended up staining all of my nice clothes. It was too stressful there. But by now I know that it wasn't the location, it was just me. Everything is too stressful for me.

I rubbed at my eyes, knowing fully well that I wouldn't sleep tonight. I glanced over at the old spaceship alarm clock, looking the time twice to make sure I didn't misread it.

2:16 am.

Wonderful.

With a groan, I rolled out of bed and made my way to the window, looking at the dimly lit streets that lay before me.

Nothing had really changed and that's what bothered me the most. After being gone for four years, I expected to come back to a completely new place.

I was giving good old South Park too much credit, it seemed.

I don't know why I was surprised though, considering that our house here hadn't even been touched in those four years. It just stood there, vacant, missing it's previous owners as it awaited someone to fill its empty interior. My old - or rather, "new" - room, even now, still reeked of coffee and disinfecting wipes.

No one new comes to South Park, it's just a fact.

Even now, I wasn't really the new kid, I was just Tweek. Everyone knew Tweek Tweak, and I was sure no one would care about my return. It's not like they cared when I was there in the first place.

With a soft sigh, I decided to fall back onto my bed. I knew sleep wouldn't hit me, I felt too much pressure building up in my chest. I wasn't ready to be back. I wouldn't ever be ready.

I spent the remainder of my night anxiously staring at the wall, thinking about how I'd have to get used to being here again. My body shook, not from the cold, but the fear. People would stare at me, they'd be looking me up and down, sizing me up. Someone might think it's funny to try and pick a fight with the new kid.

But then something else occurred to me.

I'd just been saying no one would care when I was there, and it was probably true. I wasn't really new, so maybe they'd just shrug me off. Maybe they'd just glance up at me then decide I wasn't really interesting enough to give attention to. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

The thought didn't completely dismiss my fear, but it did help with the shaking, and I could at least feel some of the pressure subsiding.

 _Just think of the good_ , my favorite therapist had once said, _there's always going to be some good in a bad situation._

.::.:.::.

The alarm went off at 7:20 am.

I didn't have school yet, it was only Sunday, but my parents insisted I work a shift at the coffee house.

Tweek Bros. Coffehouse, back in business.

Well, it never actually closed, but it wasn't run by the Tweaks. Some of my dad's friends apparently kept it running, working less hours but still managing to get some business. I was always confused as to why my dad made sure it stayed in business, but deep down I knew he had this weird attachment to the place. He must have expected that one day we'd return.

I gave a small groan, realizing I'd been letting the alarm ring out for a while when I heard a knock on my door.

"Tweek, hon?" A soft voice called out, "Are you alright in there?"

Mom was worried about me, as usual. I don't mind it though, checking up and making sure I'm okay is just one of her many ways of expressing that she cares.

I reach out, turning the alarm off.

"Fine, mom."

"Alright dear, I'll get the coffee machine running. And make sure to grab a cup for your father."

I waited until her footsteps became faint and quiet enough for me to know she was gone. The thought of a fresh cup of coffee urged me out of bed.

I stretched my arms, making a small noise as I did, then made my way to the closet and staring at the unused hangers. I was too lazy to take the time and hang up my clothes, they still sat in the cardboard box labeled "TWEEK'S STUFF: CLOTHES" on the floor of my closet.

If you looked around the rest of my room, you'd find that all my boxes bared the same kind of label so that my stuff wouldn't get mixed up with my mom's or dad's. This wasn't very likely though since my parents didn't even bother to label their boxes.

I kneeled down, fidgeting with opening the lid. I'd only bothered to cut the tape half way, so it was a bit difficult to yank open the other side.

When it finally opened, I shuffled the clothes around until I found a light grey button up that had long sleeves and some loose fitted jeans. I picked them up and laid them out on the bed before returning to the box and pulling out boxers and a pair of socks which laid at the bottom of the box.

Perfect.

Now, to shower.

I glanced at the time, relieved to see it was only 7:41. It wasn't like I needed to be at the coffee house soon, in fact, we didn't open until 8:45, my dad just missed his local business and went in early for the sake of nostalgia. I got up early because I figured I would probably want to take my time today.

Before I headed to the bathroom, I unplugged my phone from the charger and shoved it into the pocket of my jeans so I wouldn't forget it like I always do. Then I ventured off towards the bathroom, locking the door behind me and setting my clothes down by the sink. Looking up, I'm a bit surprised when I meet my own reflection.

It's weird, seeing myself in the mirror that I used to look in every day as a kid and pre-teen. Because this time, it was 16 year old me looking back instead, and 16 year old me hadn't been able to see 13, 14, or 15 year old me in this mirror. I frowned a bit at my reflection.

My pale skin was just about glowing in the bathroom's light, revealing that even though my hair was a light blonde, I really had no bit of facial hair on me. My large, olive eyes met my reflection's large, olive eyes before drifting to my hair. My hair never changed, it was still a mess. This time it was a bit longer, which only made the crazy ends stick out in more direction and a bit farther than they used to. The last thing I checked out was the piece of titanium sticking out from my tongue, specifically a barbell.

A tongue piercing.

It wasn't what anyone would really expect of me, but that's exactly why I got it. I was 15 when I announced to my mom that I wanted to do something different. She wasn't against it, but she did ask if I would prefer my ears instead, worried that I was risking infection. I didn't budge though, so the very next day she took me to get it done at a small tattoo parlor that lay a few miles from our house. It didn't actually hurt either, it just felt like a pinch. I'd just wanted to do something that no one would expect and it made me feel a bit more confident, even though nobody could really see it. I never talked too much, so it wasn't like many could really see it, but when I did talk I could tell some teachers were a bit confused at how I sometimes had a bit of a lisp when pronouncing certain words. None of the kids noticed though, they didn't care enough. Plus, the lisp died down after the swelling did.

Regardless, it was my little secret, my own little secret which nobody besides my parents knew about.

After feeling I had thoroughly observed myself enough and assured myself that I was still me, I began stripping myself of my clothes and got into the shower. I turned the knob for hot water, relieved to feel the drops hitting my skin. Showers were always relaxing despite how anxious they made me at same time. While they washed away the grime of the day, I was at risk of accidentally drowning, or slipping and cracking my skull, or having someone sneak in and kill me while I was naked.

Oh god, I didn't want to die naked.

Imagine how they'd find a naked corpse, the headlines would reveal my stupid idea to shower and let myself be killed by a killer.

The thought made me frantically turn around behind me to scan the room and make sure that there wasn't a murderer in the bathroom, staring at me through the glass shower door.

After assuring myself that no one was there, still cautious, I continued with the shower routine. I'd already set out my shower things, luckily so I just went about cleansing my body and hair, relieved to feel clean.

I loved being clean.

It made me feel like I accomplished something.

After finally tearing myself away from the hot water, I got out, dried myself off, blow dried my hair because there was no way in hell that I'd go out in the winter with wet hair, and then finally got dressed.

The coffee had long since been done by the time I got downstairs and reached the kitchen. The smell was already invading the air around the kitchen and I loved it.

Without another thought, I grabbed the thermos my mom had left on the counter beside the coffee machine and filled it all the way. It was my favorite thermos of course, the dark blue one with white stars all over and a rocket near the top. She'd left the vanilla coffee creamer out, she simply knew me too well and it filled me with some relief to know that she'd always be there for me.

After finishing my own drink, I poured what was left into my dad's simple, metal thermos. He didn't like creamer, plain was always enough.

"Honey, are you still here?" Mrs. Tweak called out. He was about to reply as he turned around, but saw she had already reached the doorway leading to the kitchen. In her hands was a folded up green coat, a brown scarf, and a hat which matched with the scarf. "It's cold out and I'm sure you wouldn't want to get sick on your first day."

It wasn't my first day back, but I knew what she meant. This would be the first time I actually left the house since we'd gotten here on Tuesday. I couldn't bring myself to do much, just as I couldn't when I first moved to Colorado Springs.

"Do I really need to? It's been colder…" I drummed his fingers on the counter, the distraction preventing me from chewing at my nails which were already too short to actually properly bite.

"It would make mommy happy." She flashed a small smile. I knew fully well what those words meant. It was her way of saying "listen to me, I'm the mom and I know what's best."

With a small sigh, I approached her, "Alright, alright."

She met me halfway, hanging me everything before plucking the hat off the small clothing pile and sticking it on my head, smoothing out any hairs that were pushed down onto my face in the process. Then she grabbed a hold of the scarf, waiting for me to put on the fluffy winter coat myself. I was a little hesitant to put these on considering there was probably no one else in South Park who'd be as bundled up as I'd be, but after looking at the garment again, I found myself tossing it over my shoulders and awkwardly pushing my arms into each sleeve. At least it was soft.

It didn't take long before the scarf was wrapped around my neck as if to represent the bow on top of a gift, finally wrapped and ready to deliver.

I wasn't a gift though, I was a boy who probably looked like a walking coat hanger.

I didn't argue though, the look on my mom's face was too bright and I didn't want to upset her when she seemed so happy.

Instead, I headed back to the counter and picked up the corresponding lids of thermoses, twisting them on before picking up a thermos in each hand. My mom had already gone to the sink, washing the few dishes which remained there from the breakfast she and dad must have had. I didn't like eating in the morning, my stomach was never good at handling food in the mornings for some reason.

I was fine as long as I got my coffee at least.

I walked over to her, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before calling out an "I'll see you later" her way. At the front door, I had to put one of the thermoses down, so that I could get the door open and then repeated the process for closing it.

And then I was off.

Back here.

As if I was a little kid again, walking down the street to deliver my dad his morning coffee as I did every weekend.

Except now I wasn't constantly dropping whatever occupied my hands. I still shook, but it wasn't as extreme unless I was under a lot of pressure. Six years of therapy had finally paid off though, because now I could at least relieve some of the stress I constantly faced. Before, I would just become overwhelmed by it and nothing could stop it, now I could control myself a bit more.

One thing I was really happy about was that I didn't twitch all the time anymore, the twitching only came when I was too nervous or I was panicking.

At least I was getting better.

This would be the closest I'd ever be to normal.

It was enough though.

It was just enough for a freak like me, a freak like Tweek Tweak.

.::.:.::.

With a push of the door, I found myself enveloped in the smell of coffee and pastries. The smell was comforting and welcoming, making a small smile tug at my chapped lips.

No one was there yet, looking at the wall clock now, I realized it was still only 8:27.

Only an hour had passed since I'd woken up but it felt like it'd been hours.

"Tweek?" A familiar voice called out.

"I brought you some coffee." I replied, setting both thermoses down onto the counter. It was still the same old coffee house, everything still stood where it had when I left. The walls were still a pale green and the dark, oak wood floorboard to the right of the counter still gave a low groan when stepped on.

My dad didn't take long to push through the door labeled "EMPLOYEES ONLY" and head straight for his container of coffee. He unscrewed the cap and took a large gulp, stopping only to let out a small sigh of content. His eyes turned to me and he gave a small wave.

His silence was appreciated. While I loved my dad, he really made no sense to me sometimes and I often find myself overwhelmed when he tries to use metaphors and cryptic comparisons that I can never keep up with. He wasn't like my mom, who knew very well that I preferred the simplicity of regular conversation rather than words that had some deeper meaning and made my head hurt.

I grabbed my own coffee and then pushed through the door my dad had just come out of. Setting my thermos down on a table inside, I decided to now shed my coat, scarf, and after some contemplation, my hat which ended up neatly folded on the table where my thermos sat. Instead of finishing the last of my sweet coffee, I found myself standing in front of one of the tall shelves on the far end of the room. There, I grabbed a plain white apron and tied it on.

Dad's rules.

Only then did I gulp down the remainder of my drink.

I looked down at the empty thermos, smiling a bit.

Alright, I couldn't help it, but I was feeling pretty nostalgic right now.

It wasn't like I actually liked South Park, I didn't really hate it either, but it didn't bring me any happiness or joy to be back. What did brighten me up a bit was that I loved the coffee house. Specifically, I loved the backroom where only my parents, employees, and I could come into. Now that we were back, employees weren't going to be as necessary because it would us again and it brought me comfort to know that I'd be able to sneak back here alone and sip on some coffee while the only noise that could penetrate the peaceful silence is the low chatter from customers and the sound of coffee being made, and I was perfectly okay with that.

My smile faltered only when I realized I should go back out and start preparing to have customers line in any minute now.

After taking a deep breath, I left the my small safe haven and settled myself down in front of the register.

 _Just think of the good,_  
 _there's always going to be some good in a bad situation._

I wasn't in a bad situation, but the kind voice of Mrs. Tracey reassuring me that there was always good calmed my nerves a bit.

I glanced at the clock.

8:43 quickly turned into 8:44.

I took a breath as I watched my dad open the entrance and flip the closed sign over to open.

It was then that I heard a little voice in the back of my head whisper, "It's good to be back."

It made me smile.

Maybe I did miss this place, just a little.

.::.:.::.

The day passed by quickly with little accidents aside from two or three spilled drinks on my end. This wasn't bad though, I used to spill half the drinks I served so my parents would often have to pull me aside and take over instead.

I took the first shift today, working from opening time to noon, then my dad worked from noon to five in the afternoon. After that was when I took over until closing time at nine. Usually my mom took the morning shift, but we could tell that she wanted to catch up with her companions and it would be unfair if I left my dad spend all of today working alone.

I didn't mind anyways, it was working until closing was my favorite time to take over because of how peaceful it was was since there weren't many people looking to get coffee at night.

I took another glance at the clock.

8:53 pm.

Just seven more minutes.

I decided to start the process of closing up early so that by the time nine hit, I'd be ready to go.

But the sound of the front door creaking open stopped me in my tracks.

I silently cursed.

Damn those late night stragglers who just couldn't come in at an earlier time.

A low groan was bubbling at my throat, but still, I took my position at the register once again and spoke my rehearsed "Welcome to Tweek Bros. Coffeehouse, may I take your order?" My eyes traveled to the entrance, a bit surprised to find two familiar faces.

"Tweek?" Token spoke first, his brows furrowing as if the idea of me standing here was too much for him to believe.

"Tweek, buddy!" Clyde. Loud and energetic as usual. "Where have ya been, dude?"

The comment made my mouth twitch up in a small smile before it faded. The way Clyde had said that… Clyde always was friendly to everyone and treated everyone, strangers included, like they'd been friends for ages. Memories were flooding back and it made me feel a little guilty. I almost wanted to apologize for leaving my friend who wasn't really a friend.

"O-Oh, hey." Was all I could manage.

I'd seen some people I knew today, but no one my age really came in aside from Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens, and their group of female companions when they came in right before my morning shift ended. They were all too occupied with giggling about god knows what while Wendy recited their orders and handed me a credit card which obviously belonged to her father. By the time I'd gotten them all their drinks, they were already heading out the door.

I began to wonder if they really did just come through and not even look at me or if they just didn't recognize me when they did see me, but just as the last girl was about to leave, she stopped and turned to me.

"It was nice seeing you again, Tweek!"

The words made my heart skip a beat.

Someone remembered me, someone recognized me.

Someone said something to me, as Tweek, and not just as their barista.

It was Red.

Red had seen me and remembered me.

I'd been thinking about it all day, honestly believing that she was the only person who could actually see me.

This scenario obviously disproved that since Token and Clyde were clearly speaking to me without any trouble.

"When did you decide to come back and see us?" Clyde grinned, striding over to the counter and leaning on it. His voice was still nasally, but it wasn't as it once was, and it had deepened since the last time I'd heard it.

"I-I… Um, I just… got back o-on Tuesday."

It was only now that I really began to observe Clyde and Token. Clyde's features were sharper, but his cheeks were still a bit fuller than most. His eyes seemed full of more joy than ever, looking over everything with those chocolate orbs. And his once metal-filled mouth was free of their restraints. His smile only seemed all the more genuine without braces considering he'd always try to keep his smiling to a minimum when he got them, afraid people would make fun of him. He was taller than me still, but not by much, we were both actually really short. His clothes were still of a similar style from when he was younger, with a red hoodie and some jeans slapped on, both looking messy and unkempt. He'd lost most of his baby fat, too, which only made it weirder to look at him.

He'd grown up.

Token, too, had grown up. His dark skin was clear and smooth, free from the pimples he was tormented with as soon as he hit the age of twelve, just a few months before I left. Token's features were more well-defined, with a straight nose and more prominent cheekbones, he looked like he belonged on the front of a magazine. He was definitely taller than both Clyde and I, too, Clyde only reached Token's nose which only meant I would reach just a bit below his nose. He was adorned with a dark grey sweater that covered most of his purple button up shirt underneath which was carefully tucked into his black slacks.

Things _had_ changed, it just wasn't the town, it was the people living in it.

"Now that you're back, you can whip me up a caramel mocha." His teasing was weird, I didn't like it. We were growing up and they didn't even fazed by it, they were just going about their day as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Still, I didn't comment on it, I just turned to Token. "Would y-you like anything else?"

Damn me and my stuttering.

"Just a macchiato will do."

I nodded, "Six thirty-three."

Token dug into his pants pocket, pulling out his black, leather wallet. He simply pulled out a credit card, handing it over to me.

I swiped it simply before returning it and turning away to prepare their drinks.

None of us said anything for a while, the only sound was me as I prepared their orders in silence.

"You look better."

It was Token who broke this silence, surprisingly, and the comment threw me off guard.

I knew what he was referring to.

I didn't just get told one day by my parents that we were moving, I'd just become so unstable to the point where they didn't know what to do anymore. One particularly bad breakdown left my parents distressed and out of ideas.

There were more options for help with my mental health in Colorado Springs and we had distant family there, so we wouldn't be alone. And so my parents decided then and there that they'd leave behind their little town for the sake of their son's mental stability. It ended up being a good choice for me in terms of mental health, but I could tell my parents hated it there. Secretly, I hated it too, but I was too afraid to say anything about it in fear of them getting upset at me.

I did look better and that was because, while I wasn't magically cured of all my problems, I was doing much better than I was before.

"Uh, yeah. You too."

"No, seriously, Tweek," Clyde chimed in, "you're a total babe magnet! Look at you, I bet you'll have a girlfriend within a week."

He was trying too hard, Token noticed this too and he threw a light punch at Clyde's arm, probably thinking I hadn't seen it.

But I had and I realized what they were doing.

They were trying to be nice to the freak.

I don't think Clyde was trying to be rude, but the way he was speaking to me was getting under my skin.

Even now, they still treated me like I was a time bomb, like if they said one wrong thing then I'd blow up right then and there.

I guess that's to be expected when you're me.

After finishing up the second drink, I pick them up and turn towards the two to hand them their drinks.

Token gave a small thanks while Clyde quickly muttered a thank you and immediately turned his attention to the disposable coffee cup.

The two turned away, waving at me.

I stopped watching them as Token made his way out.

"We'll see you at school tomorrow, right?" Clyde had broken away from his drink, standing at the doorway, just to ask.

I timidly chewed my lip and nodded, wanting to just get home.

"Awesome! See ya there!" With a grin, Clyde exited, following after his companion who'd already begun to walk away.

I stood there, staring at the entrance.

I guess I really would just be a freak, it was my permanent label and no matter how hard I tried to tear myself away from it, it was all I'd ever be.

At least Red didn't treat me like a freak earlier.

My mind wandered back to when Red had called out to me, how her long, flowing red hair was blown behind her in the wind. And how her eyes had flicked down to her phone while in line, the reflection shining clearly in the pools of light blue. Her drink was the cappuccino with foam and a sprinkle of cinnamon.

Now that I thought about it, she was the only one who thanked me too.

I blinked, wondering why I was thinking so much about her. I didn't even know a single thing about her besides that she was Craig Tucker's cousin and she hung out with Wendy and the other girls who were dubbed "the popular girls". Yet here I was, mulling over her as if I'd had a thing for her for years.

I shook my head, locking up the register and beginning the process of locking up the store.

Forget everything I said about missing this place, growing up ruined it all.

Growing up really fucking sucked.

.::.:.::.

I'd managed to fall asleep into a black, dreamless sleep last night and I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to face the day. Mom hadn't been knocking on my door, so I assumed I still had some time to lay in bed.

It'd be my first day of school in South Park High School. When my parents first told me the name of the school, I snorted and applauded the creativity. But deep down, I knew I was joking to cover up how scared I was.

School.

I sighed, tossing myself onto my side with my eyes held shut. Why couldn't I sleep for just a while longer before I had to get out of bed?

I guess the sleep threw me off.

My eyes opened slowly, blinking as they tried to adjust to the sunlight pouring in through the window.

Automatically, my eyes found the clock that occupied my bedside table.

7:56 am.

My brows furrowed and I rubbed at my eyes to see if my vision was playing tricks on me.

The time remained the same.

"Fuck."

Why didn't my mom wake me up? She knew class started at 7:35.

But then I remembered she was back to working with my dad at the coffee house.

 _Damn it, Tweek, there you go again, relying on your mom to keep your life in order._

I tossed the comforter aside, stumbling out of bed as I raced to get ready, tossing on clean clothes without bothering to shower, pulling my socks and shoes on, then grabbing my new backpack filled with school supplies and slinging it over my shoulder as I ran out of the house in record time.

It wasn't until 8:21 that I reached the school campus, sweaty and out of breath. I couldn't stop though, I still ran in and went straight to the office.

The lady at the front desk gave me a weird look, scrunching her eyebrows in disdain at my messy appearance.

"I-I w-was late." My words came out between my pants as I doubled over and tried to regain my breath.

"Name?" She replied, pulling out a yellow slip of paper.

"Tweek T-Tweak."

Now I really got her attention, she must have sworn I was fucking with her, but she didn't seem to care enough to interrogate me about it since she simply wrote "Tweek Tweek" on the slip and handed it back, returning to her computer.

I normally would've brought up the spelling error, but I was already sweaty, late, and exhausted, so I just walked out and dropped my bookbag to the ground. After unzipping one of the front pockets, I pulled out a folded up piece of paper which matched the color of my tardy slip.

After unfolding it, I scanned through my room numbers and class subjects, realizing I'd start the day with English.

It took me another ten to fifteen minutes to track down the room, and when I entered, the whole class stopped and stared, teacher included.

The green tshirt I'd quickly tossed on had sweat stains forming under my armpits and in my rush to leave, I'd grabbed jeans which barely fit held onto my waist without bothering to grab a belt. My socks were mismatched and my hair was likely to be worse than it usually was.

What a great first impression I'd be making.

The teacher wore a white blouse and a long, dark blue skirt littered with multicolored flowers that reached her ankles, her glasses drooped low on her nose as she looked me up and down.

"Ah, you must be the new student. Glad you decided to finally join us." Her last sentence was filled with disgust and it made me wanna shrink down and disappear. "Tweek Tweak, correct?"

I opened my mouth, but my words got caught in my throat, so I settled for a nod and then shuffled forward to hand her the tardy slip.

She didn't take it.

"I am Ms. Werner, I shall be your English teacher for the year," She finally took the slip, crumpling it and tossing it in the nearby trashcan, "and I do not tolerate tardiness. Do not interrupt my lesson again, if you won't be on time then don't show up at all."

I was at a loss for words, I simply nodded quickly, hoping she would spare me from the attention everyone was giving me. "Since it's your first day, I'll let it slide. Now, find a seat and get attached to it, it'll be your seat for the year unless I decide to change my mind and move you."

My heart was racing, I had to pick my own seat.

This was too much pressure.

But then I heard it.

A small whisper which called out my name.

I glanced to the right of the room where a table lay in the far corner.

A familiar face greeted me with a large, bright grin.

Red.

I moved quickly, awkwardly bumping into other tables in the process.

She patted the empty seat on her side of the table and I obliged in sitting there. Her warm smile was flashed my way as she gave a small wave. "Hey." She whispered.

My voice wasn't working, so I just flashed her a crooked smile in response before analyzing everyone around me.

Sitting on the other side of this table were Wendy Testaburger and, surprisingly, Clyde Donovan. Clyde was looking at me, flashing me a wide grin before turning back to the board and copying down the notes we were apparently supposed to be taking.

I knew I should follow the example and do the same, but my curious eyes end up wandering around the classroom instead.

It was like someone had taken Mr. Garrison's class and just fast forwarded until they were teenagers.

All around were familiar faces: Eric Cartman sat near the middle of the class, tossing paper at Kyle Broflovski who seemed to be irritatingly trying to ignore him while Stan Marsh furiously took notes next to Kyle, beside Eric Cartman was Kenny McCormick who seemed to be trying to fake that he was taking notes while he was actually falling asleep.

Another table was taken over by Butters Stotch who seemed to be busy playing rock paper scissors with Jimmy Valmer and Scott Malkinson.

Another was occupied by Bebe Stevens and some other girls she came into the coffee house with, all of them passing notes to one another, occasionally letting out a very hushed giggle after reading the paper being slipped around.

Scattered about the class was the many familiar faces of my previous classmates.

Nothing had really changed.

But a blur of blue caught my eyes.

On the complete opposite side of the class, a table sat alone, housing only one occupant.

He was a big, tall creature with a blue chullo pulled over his head and his arms crossed in front of his matching blue hoodie. He was staring off blankly at the board, his gaze revealing that he had no interest in hearing any of what the teacher had to say. A piece of titanium similar to mine protruded from the skin above and below his right eyebrow, which made him look a bit more intimidating since the eyebrow piercing was accompanied by the snakebites he had, little round studs were sticking out from either side below his bottom lip. From a distance, they looked a bit like little moles, but the giant was chewing on one, spinning it around from inside his mouth.

Craig Tucker.

Alone in the corner.

I cocked my head slightly to the side and wondered why he sat alone.

The dark blue eyes had turned though, locking onto my olive ones. I tensed up, his blank expression starting to transform into something that looked more like curiosity.

I averted my gaze, slinking down into my chair, but I could still feel his gaze on me.

Red turned to me, looking a bit confused as to why I was slinking farther and farther into my chair. She flipped to a blank sheet in her notebook, scribbling down something before laying her pencil down onto the notebook and pushing it all my way.

 **what's up?**

My hands twitched as I reached for her pencil and began to scribble a reply back.

 **It's just weird being back**

I slid her notebook back and she quickly began to write down another reply.

 **you'll get used to it don't you worry!  
hey so you remember me right?**

The last part looked a bit rushed and it made me a little confused. I guess it probably would have been weird to have some random girl recognize you and act like she knows you while you can't even recall her name. I only wrote one word back.

 **Red**

I looked over as she read it this time, smiling as she beamed at the paper, as if my remembering her was the best thing in the world.

 **woooo! you do remember! :)  
it's been so long i thought that maybe you wouldn't remember me since we weren't very close**

Saying we weren't very close was an understatement, we hadn't even been friends.

 **I guess I'm just good at remembering**

 **yeah!**  
 **hey so me and some friends are gonna have a little get together at wendy's place this weekend it's not a party or anything but i think it'd be cool if you stopped by**  
 **if you want**

I hesitate.

Why the hell was Red being so nice to me? And why did she want to invite ME to hang out with them?

My mind wandered back to yesterday with Clyde and Token and how they were trying too hard to be friendly with me.

Maybe I'd been misjudging Red, maybe she was just being nice so that if one day I consider shooting up the school that I'll remember how nice she was to me and I'll change my mind.

I gave my blonde locks a small tug, reminding myself that I was jumping to conclusions too quickly. Red seemed genuine with me, she didn't make me feel the way that Token and Clyde had made me feel. I wanted to trust her.

But still… I didn't really want to go to anything that that involved me having to interact with people, but maybe it'd be too rude to outright say that.

 **Maybe, I might have to work**

 **that's alright! you still remember where wendy lives right? i can't imagine you'd forget after that slumber party incident when we were kids :P**

Slumber party incident. Who could forget when every boy in the neighborhood decided to try and spy on the girls' slumber party. An image of Butters dressed up as Marjorine flashed in my mind and I felt myself shudder a bit. I chose to ignore that last part.

 **Yeah, I do**

 **then i hope i'll see you there :)**

I slide it back to her, one last time.

 **Yeah, we'll see  
:)**

She's already back to notes by the time I look towards her again.

That was too awkward for me, I wasn't good at being friendly and I definitely wasn't good at acting normal while someone was trying to be nice to me.

After a while, my mind wandered back to the lonely giant who sat alone in the corner.

I turned back towards Craig, ready for a stare down, but his head was tucked into his arms which laid folded onto the desk.

I couldn't help but give a small frown, not knowing what to do with myself now, but the bell comes to my rescue and signals the end of this agonizing, humiliating start to my day which ended up being a little less agonizing and a little less humiliating than I'd originally anticipated.

.::.:.::.

The day passed by quickly and soon it was lunch time.

I'd ended up with Red in three of my classes and she insisted I sit with her in all of them. I didn't mind, but her kindness made me feel more nervous because I didn't want to accidentally come off as rude and have her stop being nice to me.

Finding my classes was made easier with the assistance of Red and she'd made a point of also telling me where the cafeteria was, luckily.

Now I sat alone, a little embarrassed at the fact that I was sitting alone with nothing in front of me.

My stomach was empty, growling every other minute to remind me that I hadn't even bothered with a cup of coffee - not that I could have had a cup anyways considering the fact that I woke up so late.

I stared down at the wooden surface of the table, thinking about how stressful this day was when it'd begun.

All of my other teachers were a lot less intimidating and much more friendly than the dreaded Ms. Werner. I could already tell I wouldn't be having a very fun time with her, she'd probably try to ruin my life and drain me of all things good. That really wasn't the way I'd want to start the day.

A couple of nearby laughs brought me back into the real world as I glanced up and noticed a table of girls across from mine, whispering to one another and occasionally glancing my way. They were looking at me like they were sizing me up, ready to strike on their prey.

My eyes darted around the room, trying my best to spot anyone else looking in my direction, but no one seemed be looking over. But I knew better, they probably averted their eyes when I was about to catch them.

They were all probably whispering about me now, pointing out what a freak I was, sitting there alone doing nothing.

 _Stop it, you're being paranoid._

My eyes kept flicking around the room, my heart speeding up every time someone caught my eye.

The chatter all around me was getting louder, their voices were yelling in my ears. I covered them, trying to make it stop.

My eyes clenched shut.

 _Please, make it stop._

Shut up.

Shut up.

There was a tap on my shoulder, followed by a small voice, "Excuse me, you're sitting at my table."

I didn't respond, I only clenched my eyes harder.

 _Please shut up._

"Um, excuse me-"

"SHUT UP."

Silence.

It was silent now.

I opened my eyes slowly.

Everyone's eyes were on me.

Those words hadn't been in my head.

They came out of me.

Suddenly I couldn't stop myself from panting for breath. My chest was tightening, now I knew everyone really was staring at me and they wouldn't stop judging me.

I couldn't sit here, I couldn't take it.

I pushed myself up and out of the seat, pushing past the shocked girl who'd tapped me as I abandoned the table, heading towards the nearest exit.

Once in the hall, I ran.

I didn't know where to go, I barely knew the school, but I still ended up making it to the entrance.

I pushed the front entrance open stumbled down the steps, tears threatening to spill out from my eyes.

 _Pathetic. You're so fucking path-_

A thud.

I fell back, falling straight on my ass.

Craig Tucker was looking down at me as I looked up to see what I'd run into; he hadn't even budged when I ran into him.

He didn't say anything either, he just stared and I only stared back.

The shaking wouldn't stop.

I didn't try to get up either, my body wasn't cooperating with my brain and I was afraid of what could happen if I tried to do something.

This day had been going so well and of course my stupid brain had to go and fuck it all up for me. I thought I'd been getting better, I'd been learning to control my anxiety, I'd been learning how to prevent panic attacks and how to cope with my paranoia.

Just like that, my progress seemed to be gone.

I was back to square one.

"...Aren't you cold?"

He'd surprised me, I'd forgotten Craig could even talk until now.

His voice was deeper, but still a bit nasally.

What he said had confused me, until I looked down and realized that I had forgotten to dress for the cold this morning. A tshirt was nowhere near appropriate for the winters in South Park. I hadn't considered that my shakes were actually being made much worse because the cold was also affecting me.

I looked back up at him, my mouth opening as if I was going to reply, but I didn't have anything to say.

My mind was racing and my body refused to react as I wanted it to.

I couldn't control myself. I wasn't controlling myself.

I couldn't stop the tears, they were inevitable.

I let out a loud sob, hot tears escaping my eyes which only ended up clenched shut.

"H.. Hey.. Don't… do that."

I ignored his voice, I kept on crying because, well, I couldn't make myself stop.

I didn't care if this was awkward, Craig could leave if he wanted to and I was too distressed to get up.

I don't know how long I'd been sitting there, tears just kept pouring out.

It was the sound of rustling clothes that caught my attention and when I peeked my eyes open, my vision went dark.

Something had landed on me.

Something soft.

I pulled it off, looking down at the blue hoodie which I was now holding.

It was only natural to look up at the only other person there.

Craig stood there, hands in his pocket, now wearing only a long sleeved black shirt.

He turned away, grumbling, "You were cold.."

And then he walked off towards the school, leaving me there on the floor with his jacket still in my lap.

I almost called out to him, but I wasn't sure if I could find my voice right now.

His jacket still felt warm and as embarrassed as I was to have been given it, I couldn't help but want to wear it. It was freezing, after all.

A cold breeze made up my mind for me and I quickly tugged it on.

Now, the first thing I really had to acknowledge was the fact that it was huge on me. Even though I wasn't standing I knew it'd reach past my hips because it was scrunched up around my torso, as if it was trying really hard to devour me in it. And the arms, they were definitely too long. The arms of the jacket reached past my wrists and only the tips of my fingertips stuck out from the openings.

The pungent smell of cigarette smoke invaded my nostrils, causing my nose to scrunch up, but a faint trace of vanilla also caught my attention. While it didn't smell amazing, it didn't smell all that bad either.

But the material inside was so soft and I wanted so badly to just sleep in it.

It was only then that I realized that my tears had stopped and only their dried trails stained my reddened cheeks. I wiped them away with the sleeves of Craig's jacket before pushing them up to my wrists, the material bunching up all around my arms, which probably looked really ridiculous... oh well.

The bell rang just then, signalling the end of lunch time.

I took a shaky breath in and then out before I finally lifted myself to my feet.

Sure enough, the jacket reached farther than my hips and ended at my upper thigh instead.

I silently cursed my height before making sure my backpack was on correctly and heading back into the building.

.::.:.::.

Sixth period was study hall.

Sixth period was going to be strange, I could already feel it.

Craig was in it and I just happened to be sitting at the table with him since Clyde and Token were already there, calling me over to sit with them. Token and Clyde were both sitting on one side of the table and Craig sat alone on the other side, so I had to plop myself beside him.

Their eyes immediately found the jacket I was wearing and then exchanged confused glances between Craig, me, and each other.

Token spoke up, clearing his throat before asking what they were both thinking. "So… Tweek, why are you wearing Craig's jacket?"

Even though the question was directed at me, Token looked to Craig first.

Craig merely shrugged, resting his chin on the palm of his hand.

I, on the other hand, looked completely nervous and ended up distracting myself with a loose thread hanging from the sleeve of the jacket when their eyes ended up on me.

"I, uh, was really cold."

They'd probably figured as much, but it was all I said and after pursuing the topic for a while they realized that was the most they'd get out of me.

"How was your first day, Tweek?" Token was half talking, half studying. How he managed that was beyond me.

"It was... okay, I guess."

"Now THAT is an understatement! Tweek's got Red allllll over him." Clyde was giving me a smug grin, arms crossed at his chest as if he'd just said something that nobody could top.

"Gross."

Clyde rolled his eyes at Craig's comment before turning back to me and Token. "Red's hot, dude. You should ask her out." He leaned forward, his grin only seeming to get larger, "And have you seen that body? I bet she can work wonders with it."

"I think you should control those hormones before you give yourself a boner in class." Token had grabbed Clyde by the hoodie, pulling him back as Clyde let out a whine of protest.

I couldn't help but laugh at how simply Token handled the situation, it was just like him. The two of them ended up in their own little conversation which originally seemed to be an argument, but I knew they were just messing with each other when their glares turned into lighthearted laughter and cheeky grins.

My eyes wandered to Craig eventually.

He looked bored, but I guess he always looked bored, even as a kid. He was fiddling with his lip piercings, spinning them between his fingers as he stared off.

I couldn't tell you why I kept finding myself staring at him, I couldn't really help it.

Of all the people I'd seen today, he seemed the most grown up. No hint of childishness shone through his cold exterior the way it did with everyone else I'd encountered, and I started to wonder if he was just always like this now.

If he just always sat there, quietly, while Clyde and Token goofed around with each other.

It seemed really boring, but then I realized I was just sitting here doing the same.

Regardless, it felt different with him.

Craig had always been a more stoic person, even as a kid, but he still laughed and played games and got excited over small things like any of the others.

His eyes glanced over towards me, realizing I was staring once again. He cocked a brow at me, as if asking what I was looking at. When I didn't give him any sort of response, he just looked away and went back to staring off blankly, twirling his piercing mindlessly.

Out of everyone I'd seen today, only two continued to wander into my thoughts.

Red Tucker, the one who had made my day a little brighter and made me feel a bit more normal. Red Tucker, the one who made me feel accepted.

Red Tucker, the one who made me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

And Craig Tucker, the one who made me think about growing up. Craig Tucker, the one who made me wonder if he'd rushed into being an adult and skipped the phase of adolescence we were all going through.

Craig Tucker, the one who didn't really smile or laugh or seem interested in anything.

I couldn't tell you why, but I really wanted to see Craig Tucker's smile.

* * *

 **A/N: sorry about my weird writing style idk, and it was probably a cheesy way of ending it but it's my first real attempt at writing again so? i dunno?  
thanks for reading  
sorry you had to endure that  
** **Path** •


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